It seems the newest rage in adult communities is nude pickleball. Yes, you read that right. Adults have taken to playing in the buff in surprisingly large numbers. According to an article on Pickleball Hop, which appeared on December 5, 2022, “There is a nude pickleball boom going on all over the world.” That might be a bit hyperbolic. I can’t imagine anyone is playing nude pickleball in, say, Tehran. But apparently nude pickleball is a real thing -- and gaining popularity -- at least in the USA.
I’m neither a prude nor a Puritan, but to me nude pickleball is fraught with danger and no small amount of humiliation. First, there’s the age factor. Take me, a seventy something male, well past his prime. There was a time when I had what might have been considered impressive pecs -- make that moderately impressive. Today my pecs have dropped to my abs, which now look less like a six pack, and more like a half-filled waterbed. It’s one thing to take in the scenery on a nude beach in Mykonos. But on a pickleball court where many of our players are over seventy? I think we can agree, the view just isn’t the same.
Then there’s the injury factor. By this I don’t mean to imply that pickleball is any more dangerous than other sports we play at The Landings. Tennis, golf, you name it can result in a painful visit to one of Savannah’s legions of orthopedic surgeons. And the problem is not so much about the sport as it is about those playing the sport. Who among us didn’t move to The Landings after a forty-year desk-bound career with illusions of recapturing the glory days of high school and college athletics. Witness the numbers of knee, hip, shoulder and ankle replacements. I don’t think anyone really wants third degree sun burn on body parts that have never been exposed to the sun, and to the best of my knowledge there is no single medical specialty designed to repair nude pickleball injuries.
According to Larry Ford, owner of Clothing Optional Home Network, and a nudist resort called Alpenglow Ranch, “the game is very recreational. There is no competitive play between the host couple and their guests.” Ford implies, I assume, that the game they play at Alpenglow is less a game than a congenial way to hit the ball back and forth while sipping a glass of chardonnay. Given the competitive nature of our members, it is inconceivable that many, if any, can play pickleball without playing to win.
Need we worry that participants in other sports will want their day in the sun? Try if you will, to imagine nude golf, tennis, bocce or croquet. The image is disturbing.
I was curious as to whether or not nude pickleball might be a violation of the club dress code, even if participants wear proper footwear. To my relief it is. I think we can all agree, the whole idea is just too ugly.